Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Someone is broke in the head around here . . .



I sometimes think my family is just broke in the head. I just sent my 8 year old upstairs to take a shower. He's up there for a moment and then comes back downstairs.
"Dad, I think I need to mention that there is a very large and strange looking bug in the bathtub." he tells me, in a very serious and adult tone.
"Oh really? What does said bug look like?" I inquire with a raised eyebrow.
"He is quite large, has claws like a preying mantis, and looks extraordinarily aggressive" is his concise and detailed reply.
I swear I'm not making this shit up. This was the conversation word for word.
"Well all right then, let's go take a look at it." I told him, then went to the garage to get the little hand held and battery powered vacuum I have stored there. After all, if this thing is "extraordinarily aggressive" there is no point to going in unarmed. So my son and I, the great and fearless hunters that we are, both made our way to the bathroom and cautiously peeked around the shower curtain to observe this monstrosity. Sure enough, he's pretty big and looks intimidating to me.
My son looks at the bug.
I look at the bug.
My son and I look at each other.
"Let's go get mom. . . " says I, much to my sons agreement.

Now don't get me wrong, I hate bugs but I WILL do my "manly" duty and take care of them. The rules are simple though: if I take care of it - it dies. If mom is feeling kindly and wants the thing to live, she squares it away.
Now my wife peeks around the shower curtain to look at it.
Then my 14 year old daughter looks at it.
My wife and daughter both look at each other.


“It’s a leaf footed assassin bug” my wife sagely informs the crowded bathroom. My son and I lock eyes and I give him a nod of acknowledgment and respect.
“By God, ‘assassin bug’  does sound pretty aggressive to me little dude! Good call!” I told him.
“Naw, he eats other bugs.” My wife laughingly assures us, but I aint buying it.
“So – you gonna take care of him or am I?” I ask while raising the cannon . . . err . . .  vacuum into the air to make my point clear.  I guess I should mention that my wife and daughter were ‘doing their facials’ when I so rudely interrupted them, so I guess she didn’t want to be distracted.
“Go for it.” She replied with a wave of her hand toward the tub. 
A hush fell over the bathroom as I turned and slowly approached the tub with my weapon at the ready. . .
Suddenly, the silence in the bathroom is shattered when my daughter shouts “NO!” so loudly that I almost peed my pants. Next thing I know, she is shoving me aside, reaching down into the tub, and picking this bug up in her hands to carry it outside. The whole way, my son is right behind her, asking over and over "is it biting you? Is it biting you?!"
Like I said, this family is broke in the head, I’m just not sure which one of us is crazy . . .  

6 comments:

  1. LOL For such occasions, my daughter bought one of these:
    https://www.amazon.com/My-Critter-Catcher-Spider-Insect/dp/B0192MB5RS/

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  2. Oh what a wonderfull and totaly normal familly...
    I love your daughter for the rescue of the bug, that´s what we do too when we found spiders or bugs or any ohter creation in our house...

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  3. Sounds perfectly normal to me!

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  4. I enjoy freaking people out occasionally by putting Huntsman spiders outside if they are in a part of the house that causes concern to others. I generally use the jar and piece of paper technique to minimise the risk of damaging their legs, but I have been known to catch them between my hands as I always do with crickets.

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  5. I prefer just taking a heavy shoe or book and splatting it into oblivion. YMMV.

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