Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Some people's children . . .

So apparently some "holier than thou" transexuals find my blog to be offensive. I am informed that I, and others like me, are nothing more than offensive "men in dresses" and I apparently am single handedly undermining the transgender community.

Sigh . . .

Few things irritate me more than this attitude.
When you choose to give up your wife, children, and career to transition and live full time, this does not somehow make you magically better than those of us that refuse to pay that price.

I can overlook and forgive your average muggle for having hurtful attitudes or for saying unkind things. Your typical muggle has no idea what we go through, the inner turmoil that is our everyday life, or the fragility of our confidence. Someone who acts out of ignorance can be forgiven. Someone who is transgender however, does not have that excuse and is not entitled to that forgiveness or understanding. Knowing that a person making these kinds of comments is well and intimately aware of the kind of hurt that their words impart bring me as close to fury as I've ever been in the last 50 years.

If you feel that you are somehow inherently better than those of us with lives, obligations, and commitments that force us to straddle the line between genders instead of leaping over it, then I'd appreciate it if you keep that opinion to yourself. Don't you dare go out of your way to cause pain to people that are so much like you, and that you should without a doubt have some understanding of and compassion for. The very thought of another TG making comments on my blog that they know beyond doubt will harm the confidence of the majority of those that read it just infuriates the hell out of  me. . .


  1. I wish I could say I'm surprised at this. I'm not. There are so many "trannier than thou" people out there. They think that because (fill in the milestone they achieved) they are better than YOU because you HAVEN'T (same milestone.) (I find most people like this to be Trump supporters as well. Coincidence?)

    We're ALL in this together. Period. What affects one of us affects us ALL. We ALL were born this way. We can't help it. We all deal with it our own way. My way doesn't work for you- your way doesn't work for her or him- etc.

    1. No worries Sophie! I love the hell outta you!

    2. I have been finding quite the opposite and find the supporters of Trump to be the mostly the part timers.

      I don't know what was said or who said it but it certainly shouldn't have been said or thought. We all have our own journeys and know two are the same, the main thing is to find happiness when and where we can.

  2. Kim-

    I also live with the trade off of having family and friends, against that of going full time. All I want to see in someone is a sense of authenticity in being transgender. It's hard to describe what I mean, but people who straddle the line usually understand my drift. When you present as Kim, you try to be feminine as possible without being a caricature of femininity. Kim is as much of a female as your masculine presentation is male. But like me being Marian, your need to be Kim does not outweigh your need to fulfill the other obligations in your life.

    There will always be those who want to be "holier than thou" in some way. I try to fight that in myself. None of us are perfect, and I only ask of others that they try to be honest about themselves when with me, and I'll do the same with them....

    Hoping you had a great holiday season!!!


  3. In my travels I have met those close minded people they have set me back a few times when I was Younger -but not now!

  4. Not surprised at all. I've just about had it with the HTT-TS people (much easier to write. ;-) ) or "trannier than thou" as some of my friends call them.

    I have wonderful TS friends and sometimes I have conversations with TS friends of these friends. And as soon as I mention that I'm not on HRT and that I don't have any desire to transition at all.. they just think I'm spoiling it for them.

    They think that I create ambiguity, since society might think (because of me) that HRT and SRS are not absolutely necessary for every person under the transgender umbrella. And sometimes they even tell me to just start HRT, so that everything will become 'clearer'... pffff!

    We should definitely realise that there are differences between us, but more importantly.. we are all in this together as we are all trying live our life in peace without fear and judgement.

    Anyway, screw that person or persons who make those kind of comments!

    Do enjoy the rest of 2017! :-)

  5. I keep reminding them that they are the minority in the community and that gender fluid/CD are 80% and post-op 4%. Our paradigm may be different but it is no less strong and we are no less transgender.

  6. The most painful cuts come from within. However, ignorance knows no bounds or gender. What was the Latin? Illegitimi non carborundum? (Don't let the bastards wear you down)

  7. While agreeing whole heartedly with you, I find myself in perhaps a slightly different camp. I also am balancing family and career with desire to dress, but I have no desire to transition full time if the opportunity ever presented itself. Because of this, I have been told that I am not "really" transgender. To be honest, I really don't care with which label I am stamped. I know who I am and what I feel, and no one else can say I don't really understand, or that THEY know what I am going through. In this, I quote my favorite philosopher - "I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam."

    1. I think this also perfectly describes my situation! :)

  8. Just to redress the balance a little, those who know me will also know that I socially transitioned some time back, I am now on HRT, my marriage has failed and I have had to move from a nice house with a nice garden and garage in a nice area into a very "Urban" studio.

    I just want to point out that you are stronger than me, because you have managed to keep the balance, and you were, and still are an inspiration to me with your elegance, bravery and humour. When we tell our stories in a light hearted entertaining way it is easy for others to underestimate what we go through, don't let anyone put you down, you are a star!

  9. There are always going to be people that form up cliques to make themselves feel better then others. I am just happy that there are so many trans people that aren't like that. We are all unique and should celebrate that we live in a time where we can be ourselves.

  10. This group of ours is the true meaning of diversity. From cross dressing to full transition and everything in between. Each of us has to find their own path in this life. Many variables come into the equation and sometime the plan changes, not for someone else, but for you. Because of "work" I can not wear a skirt or heels. There are days that I can and do under-dress. Many comments indicate that it is all or nothing. Sorry, I don't think so. It is a shame that some show such a narrow view. Tora

  11. Kim; it is unfortunate this has happened to you. The spectrum to transgender is wider than the mind of that person and persons like her.
    I would like to address the authors of most of the people in your comments if I may.
    - to be right someone has to be wrong. This is the same thinking that generated the need to write this post in the first place.
    - "trannie" excuse me? How does that language bring people together?
    - i have fb friends, close friends, who cover the full spectrum of transgender. All great people. You and I have been friends over 7 years.
    - please, express your distain for the individual as they are the minority within a minority.
    Thank you
    Anne transsexual friend

  12. I think most of us are somewhere on the transgender spectrum. It is sad to see hatred compounded by more hatred. I think that folks can disagree without being disagreeable or resort to name calling. Rather than calling haters Trump supporters and pushing an agenda of hatred and name calling I would refer back to the lyrics of Sly and the Family Stone in "Everyday People".
    "We gotta live together...
    I am no better and neither are you
    We're all the same, whatever we do
    You love me, you hate me
    You know me and then
    Still can't figure out the bag I'm in...

    Different strokes for different folks...
    I am everyday people".

    As a certified deplorable and a somewhat proud one at that, my advise is to let the ill conceived and hurtful comments of others slide off you like "water off a duck's back."


    1. Pat,

      You "beat me" on the lyrics for this. On the way back from Mom's I heard it on the radio and was considering a similar post.

      But those lyrics are so true...thanks for getting them out there for people to see...


  13. You said it perfectly . "Don't you dare go out of your way to cause pain to people that are so much like you"

    The holier than thou get me too, I was flamed for using "Transgendered" instead of Transgender.

    To use an analogy, I really like Aruba, however I am not prepare to leave my family, friends, income and life history to live there.

  14. I absolutely support the choice of any TG person to express as the feel comfortable. Those who balance their commitments with their strong need to express gender fluidity make as big a decision as those who transition. They give up the chance for a reconciliation of their need for the needs of others. Which, after all, defines us as human above all the lesser labels we can invent.

  15. Kim, just be you and be happy in your life. God knows to many people are not.

  16. I've got to stop revisiting this post to read the comments. Everytime I come back to this I get furious again. lol
    Every single one of you offered wonderful thoughts and comments. Thank you, and please know that I appreciate your friendship even if I don't have the sense say it to you often enoguh. <3

  17. I'm not a cross-dresser nor am I gender-fluid but I am a non-op trans female. Now, this is for three reasons; medical issues, cost and personal choice. Even though I've lived part-time as female since 14 and full-time as female since 19, I still get the same bigoted bullshit from most post-op trans females but also most gay males. Maybe they're jealous of how pretty and smart you are. I do want some advice though, I have a list of countries I wanna visit at and wanted to know if you thought any would be safe to visit.

  18. "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind" - Theodore Geisel