Friday, January 13, 2012

Thanks Dad. . . . . (NOT!)

Wow – though I know it hasn’t been all that long, it sure seems like it has been a long time since I was last in Detroit! I guess with all of the trips to Albany, and then all of the work we have been doing on my home, it just seems like it has been forever.

Speaking of Detroit! I had a grumpy comment posted on one of my Flickr photographs:
“Would you PLEASE stop tagging all of your photo’s with ‘Detroit’?! No one cares about your pictures but you and all of your middle aged friends!”
My first inclination was to get irritated, but the more I looked at it and thought about it, the more I thought it was amusing. I have been pretty prolific on Flickr (** blush **) and a fair share of those photos are tagged for Detroit, so I guess I must drive people that are trying to find photos of Detroit absolutely nuts. Sorry ‘ bout that!
So anyway, it got me to thinking about a few things. The first thought that struck me was that it was almost a compliment as he presumably didn’t realize that I am not exactly what I appear to be, and neither are my “middle aged friends”. The second thing to cross my mind was that I think I’m a bit embarrassed by my obsession with taking my own damned photograph. It started out as a perfectly understandable desire to make sure that I had some memories to look at when I get older and uglier, and perhaps some sort of self vindication, but it’s morphed into something more – an obsession, a compulsion, an evil trip down an egocentric and egotistical road! (** GASP!! **).

My blog has become something that I am kind of proud of, and now I have to ask myself – is the blog about being transgendered in the real world, or is it about Kim’s photographs? On the other hand, the vast majority of the traffic to my blog is from Flickr, so how many people would stop reading it if I pulled my head outta my backside and stopped posting so damn many photos? Hmmmm, might have to find out . . . tomorrow . . . right now I have pics to upload. . .

My trip to Detroit was a fairly miserable one, with me sick, hacking, and coughing the entire way. Believe me, you don’t want to see a photo of that trip! The good news is, although I had been miserable for my entire time there, the night before I left for home I suddenly felt a lot better! Hoping that the healthy feeling was going to last until morning, I found myself pulling skirts and tops out of my luggage for my flight home – it’s time to travel pretty!

It’s been about a month since I last entered the world as Kimberly, and I’d have to admit that I was a bit nervous as I got ready. When I had myself all together, I took a look in the mirror and wanted to sob at the sight of all of the wrinkles that have attacked my face in the last few years. My wife has been very fortunate and has virtually no wrinkles despite the fact that we are the same age, but unfortunately my genetics were not so kind as hers. Still, it is what it is, and so I headed out to put my bags in the rental car and to get a cup of coffee from the hotels breakfast area.


Of course the first thing that I noticed was that it was a pretty messed up day out there – very dark and raining. My new shoes were so slick on the rain covered parking lot that I could have just about skated to the car if I’d wanted to. After I got my bags put away in the car, I headed into the hotel to drop of my room keys off and to get a cup of coffee for the drive to the airport. I dropped off the keys at the counter, where a young lady thanked me and wished me a good trip home, and then I made my way to the coffee pots. I made it about half way there when I heard a voice behind me.
“Hey you!”
I turned around to see Cheryl, the customer service representative that has always been so nice to me here.
“Good morning Cheryl! How are you?” I replied.
“Oh I’m fine, thank you. I take it that you are feeling better huh?” she said with a grin, while giving my outfit the once over. “Honey, you look great!”
“Awe thanks! I think I’m getting too old for this shit though. Everyday it’s more and more wrinkles.” I told her while making a boo boo lip.
“Do you dance?” she asked me from out of the blue.
“Are you kidding? I have a full blown phobia of dancing – just the thought of it scares the hell outta me!”
“So what do you do when you go out then?”
“Pretty much sit there like a bump on a log.” I told her with a laugh.
“That’s a shame. You should dance. I’d love to see you dance!” She said with a wink and a smile.
“Thanks, but no thanks!” I told her with a laugh as I poured my coffee. We said our good byes and gave each other a quick hug, and then I turned around to find pretty much the entire staff of the hotel behind the counter looking and grinning at me.
“Have a good trip home!” One of them said.
“See ya next time.” Said another.
“Count on it!” I said, and gave them all a little wave as I laughed and made my way to the car.

I had a brief conversation and laugh with the woman at the US Airways counter as she checked my bags in.
“And you’re just a touch under the weight limit on that one!” she told me with a smile as she took my huge suitcase off of the scales.
“Yeah, you know I really need to completely unpack that one when I get home. I travel so much that I rarely bother to completely unpack it anymore and for the life of me, I don’t see how it can be almost 50lbs for this trip. I don’t recall putting anywhere near that much stuff into it.” I told her.
“Hah! You don’t even know what’s in your bag? That would be so funny when you open it and wild animals come running out of it!” she told me with a giggle.
Yeah, about that bag? I’ve been home for two days and still haven’t opened it . . .

Detroit 2012 01 006

Going through the “full body scanner” at the airport, the female TSA agent literally laughed when she saw the results of my scan.
“Well, I’m gonna have to pat your legs down and I’ll show you why!” she said. Still grinning, she pointed at my skirt and the hundreds of little beads that were sewn on to it.
“You see all of those fancy beads on your skirt? OK, now if you will turn around and look at the monitor behind you, you can see that you have just about given our software a heart attack.”
I turned to look at the monitor that she had mentioned and had to bust out laughing myself, because there were hundreds of little “X’s” all over the lower legs of the cartoon figure there, apparently showing all of the places that the software recommended the agent personally inspect. There were a LOT of these little beads on my skirt, and so the cartoon graphic looked like a little blizzard.
“But it’s my favorite skirt!” I told her with a wink as she finished with her inspection.

So much for happy happy joy joy – from here out the blog is a downer . . .

So does anyone remember my telling you about finding my long lost half sister Tracy a while back? We were separated when she was about six and my father “gave her” to a couple in Georgia. The bad news is that I lost complete touch with her. The good news is, letting someone else take care of Tracy was probably the only good and decent think my alcoholic father ever did. Anyway, I found her about a year ago through the internet and we have spoken a few times since then. I suspect that she has plenty of demons of her own given that every photo I have so far seen of her shows her in a bar. I can’t talk too much trash about that though, because I’ve been there and done that. While Tracy and I have not really talked much since I found her, I also ‘friended” her daughter on Facebook and am seriously worried about the little girl. She is only fourteen, and all of her posts are regarding doing drugs and her “relationships” with boys, and most of her posts use language that makes this ex-army sergeant blush. 

Last night she posted about being in the hospital after taking a fist full of sleeping pills.

Was it attempted suicide or just stupidity that prompted her take almost two dozen? I try to talk to her and encourage her, but you can only push so hard when you’re just some strange uncle talking to a niece that you have never met and who lives half the North American continent away from you. A cute little girl, already hooked on drugs, suicidal, and apparently with no adult supervision. It makes me want to sob and scream at the same time. I wish that they would invent time travel so that I could go back and shoot my father – the one who started all of this mess. The fall out from one abusive alcoholic has resulted in the destruction, or at least serious damage, to at least three generations of my family now. One messed up little person after another.

Thanks dad . . .


  1. Sorry to hear about your niece as well. I am glad that you were able to get out though and that you managed everything with style as always.

  2. Sorry to hear about your niece. Hugs.

    As to your pics and blog... it seems we (and you know what I mean by that)are all photo obsessed. I like seeing how I've evolved over time, and what does/doesn't work for me. Also I enjoy being reminded of the good times when I can be me. That's my reasoning.

    And if i looked as good as you, with so many great outfits and locales (Detroit excepted) I'd be taking a zillion pics as well. ;)

  3. Well I for one don't care if you are self obsessed I like your photos, and I enjoy reading your Blog, it is so encouraging that although we are half a world apart there is still so much we share, and don't stop the flickr either, I'm just about to pop over and take a look. It seems like Kimberly is more popular than "him" and looking at the pics shows some of why.

    On the other hand sorry to hear about your Sister and Niece, it just goes to show how are actions can effect other people in ways we cannot imagine.

  4. i don't know whether to laugh or cry along with you after reading this entry...
    makes me sort of glad that i have never liked the taste of alcohol. being half german and half irish and a last name that includes a form of alcohol it is all wasted on me. but it is just as well since i had a great grandfather on my mom's side who lost everything he owned (including his very young son) to alcohol. also her brother too dealt with it almost his entire life till a couple years before his death. and so with those possible genes... it is just as will i don't like the taste of the stuff. it is sort of like not liking the taste of a particular food that one doesn't bother with it.
    for me if given a choice i'd still rather deal with being transgendered!
    now on happier thoughts on your wrinkle comments. wow! if that's what you look like with wrinkles.... you would be so beyond gorgeous that, like the over the top models, everyone would be afraid to talk to you. it sort of keeps you on the approachable human level!
    and remember like my male self's graying hair " i have earned and learned from the stress that has helped me acquire every one of them".
    and remember any little 20 year old can look good but can they still say that in their 40's or 50's?
    like finely forged steel we have the life experience to "temper" us which really has made us stronger. or something like that...
    reminds me of the joke of the lady who ids told her stocking look wrinkled and she responded " but i'm not wearing any stockings" LOL

    the biggest problem i have found at 54 is that if i don't get the correct "time of nights sleep" with 7 hours sleep
    (during 11pm to 7am unlike tonight LOL) the dark circles begin to take over under my eyes which is not a pretty sight.
    so stressful schedules can be a contributing factor as well.

    but as i said you on the other hand seem to more than compensate for it! so please the majority says keep posting those photos!