Saturday, February 28, 2009

Neighborhood Stake Out

So last night night I had a late night flight from Allentown PA to Austin, where I live. (See yesterdays blog) Since I was going to be home well after my daughter goes to bed, and I live in a quiet neighborhood where everyone is usually buttoned up and in the house by 9 (es even on Fridays), I figured what the heck, and flew home femme.
As I pull up to my street I had the sense to look down it before I turned on to it, sure enough, the visiting mother of my neighbor across the street was walking out to her car in a nightgown. I figured "no big deal" and just slowly drove around the block, returning maybe two minutes later. I peeked down the street again and this time my neighbor AND his mother are walking out to the car. I drove around the block a bit slower and returned just in time to see them drive off, and so I pulled onto my street. Just as I'm backing into my drive way I realized I've made a serious mistake - I was concentrating so much on the folks across the street that I failed to notice that my neighbor on the right side of my house had a BBQ going in his driveway. I had backed all the way into my drive way and had not even noticed this. Lucky for me there was no one standing outside at the moment (it's 10PM). I sat in the truck with the engine and lights off for a moment, checking to see if the coast was clear, when my neighbor walks out of his garage and stands there drinking a beer. He was in the lighted garage, I was in a dark truck with tinted windows, so I doubt very much he could see anything. I waited for about a minute, hoping he would turn around and go back into his garage, but he showed no signs of leaving. I chickened out, started the truck, and pulled out of my drive. I drove a mile or two away on some farm roads, found a quiet place, and changed back into male clothes. I couldn't do anything about the makeup, but in the dark and from that distance, I figured he wouldn't be able to see that in the time it would take me to get from the truck into the house. I had to giggle while I changed in the dark, on a country road, because this took me back about 20 years to when this had been my only option!
So once again I pull up to my drive way, this time in male clothes but still wearing makeup. Now my neighbor across the street has returned but is apparently in the house, the beer drinking, BBQ neighbor is not in his driveway, but now the neighbor on my LEFT side is sitting in his car!
The very first time I'd risked coming home femme, and it seems the entire damn neighborhood is on a stake out looking to catch me!
I figured it wasn't gonna get any better than that, and so I quickly got out of the truck and made a bee-line for the house. My wife got one look at me in rumpled boy clothes and makeup, and busted out laughing. She laughed harder and harder the more of the story I told to her.

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