Sunday, September 12, 2010
Wanna Play Mario Brothers?
"Tell me the truth, why do you think that I have pretty things in my closet?" I asked her.
"Ummm . . . because you like to admire them?" she said, clearly very serious and not joking. I thought that was kind of an odd phrase for a seven year old and wondered if that might be what her mother told her, but you never know with it comes to a critter that age.
My daughter has asked me over and over about the clothes in my closet lately and clearly doesn’t intend to drop it. So this leaves me with a choice – lie to my daughter or tell her the truth. I can’t stand the thought of lying to her, especially when it’s just a question of time until she knows I’ve lied to her, but I’m pretty sure my wife doesn’t want me to tell her. I felt trapped and in the end, I decided to do what I thought was the right thing – I told her the truth.
"Would it bother you if daddy likes to wear pretty things once in a while?" I asked her.
She sat there quiet and looking embarrassed for a second.
"Well, I think you would look pretty silly. You would look like a boy!" she said.
'Well, if it comes down to looks, this ought to set her back a step!' I thought to myself as I pulled my all time favorite pic out of my wallet and showed it to her.
"This is daddy." I told her as I handed it to her. Her eyes got big as plates as she looked at it and then looked at me.
"I'm very surprised! You look very pretty Daddy!" she said and then handed it back to me.
"Do you have any other pictures?" she asked. I had one fairly recent pic on my cell phone and showed that to her also.
"I'm very surprised. You look very nice daddy!" she said again, still looking at the picture.
"Thank you baby!" I told her and gave her a hug.
"Now you have to be very careful not to tell your friends or teachers at school." I told her.
"Because they would be mean to me?" she asked.
"I'm afraid that they might be sweetheart. A lot of people really wouldn't like daddy if they knew I liked to wear pretty things sometimes and they might be mean to you because of it. Oh, and I wouldn't say anything to grandpa either." I told her.
"Because he doesn't know?" She asked.
"Right, he doesn't know and he wouldn't like it."
"Does Mommy know?"
"Yes dear, mommy knows all about it." I told her.
"OK." she said. "Wanna go play Mario Brothers?"
Just like that, it was over. Almost over anyway, because I still have to screw up the courage to tell my wife.
This weeks service call was back to what is becoming my home away from home – Detroit MI. I couldn’t fly pretty because my flights didn’t leave until almost noon and I have to be out of the house before 6AM if I don’t want the neighbors seeing me. Sometimes it’s worth it to me even if I have to get up so early and waste so much time before a flight, but the very thought of getting up at 4AM for a flight that doesn’t leave until noon was just depressing the hell outta me. Instead, I got up with my wife and daughter and helped get her ready for school, and then walked her through a torrential down pour the one block to her school. As is typical these days, one of my flights was delayed and I didn’t get in to my hotel until 8PM.
I’ve noticed lately that I sometimes have my priorities in the wrong place and am trying to get a handle on that. Too often lately I am placing a higher priority on my cross dressing than on my job or time with my family. I had two customer to visit on this trip to Detroit, and this time instead of taking the rest of the day off to cross dress when I finished with the first, I called the next customer to see if they wanted to start today instead of tomorrow. They were delighted and quickly agreed and so I went directly from the one customer to the other, where I worked another five hours. At the end of a ten hour day, I wasn’t about to go anywhere, and so just called it a night.
The next day I had originally scheduled for the customer that I had already taken care of yesterday. To be honest, I would have normally just taken the free day to go play, but instead decided to contact a couple of other local customers to see if they wanted or needed any help. If anyone had any issues, I could help them out and do something on behalf of my company. If no one needed any help, I could take the day off with a clear conscience.
I called one of my very favorite customers first, who works for one the oldest and largest car manufacturers in the world. I would tell you the company name, but there is this little voice in the back of my head that says it may be inappropriate and might have the potential to get me in trouble if my company ever did find my blog. Anyway, this customer has been working with Infrared Mass Spectrometers since long before I’d ever heard of them, and so she really knows what she is doing. Since she has a clue, that means that I never get calls from her over silly things that they should know or silly things they have done. Anyway, she started to laugh as soon as she picked up the phone.
”Oh my God, you must have ESP! How in the world did you know I needed help?” she asked.
Long story short, I spent four hours working with her and THEN I took the rest of the day off to play!
My son’s fiancé has been living with my wife and I for a few months now. I guess her home life wasn’t all that you might hope for. My wife and I sure know what that feels like from personal experience, so when my son asked if she could stay with us, we had no hesitation.
Early on, my wife and I encouraged my son to let her know about me, because we thought it was the right thing to do. She has a baby and we figured the chances of her needing to come down stairs early some morning while I was getting dressed were just far too large to risk. Much like my son himself, it didn’t phase her in the least, and she easily and comfortably chats with me about makeup and clothes, and we have even gone shopping for makeup together.
Well, lately she has started to give me hell for sticking with only one look and not experimenting at all with my makeup. I can’t argue with her, because there is no question it is true. I know how to make one look, using the very same colors, and I never, ever, deviate from it. For my birthday, she gave me a little pallet of eye shadow and pointed out that there were instructions right on the back as to how to get the best look from it. When I went to get ready, I sat there looking at the eye shadow she had given me. To try or not to try, to go with the tried and true or to experiment? I figured ‘what the hell, I have the time and no one is waiting for me, so let’s give it a shot!”
You know, I couldn’t stop grinning like an idiot the whole time I was playing with it? It’s been a long time since I felt that way and I can’t help wondering if that’s why I’ve been feeling so “blah” about cross dressing lately – it’s become a rut with nothing new or exciting to it. So the moral of the story is, maybe I need to shake things up a bit and try more new things.
First of all I went to the Motor City Casino to donate some of my hard earned cash. I started with $20, got it up to almost $40, then down to less than $5. When it again climbed up to the $20 I had started with two hours later, I called it quites. More or less, I had two hours of entertainment for nothing.
Next I went to the movies.There was nothing playing that I was really dying to see, but “Machete” was about to start so I went for it. Talk about campy . . .
Clearly these folks are hoping it will become some sort of cult hit but I hope that they aren’t holding their breath while they wait. Much like “The Expendables”, this was full of very graphic blood and guts. About the only things I liked about it though was that it had some VERY hot women in it, and parts of it were apparently filmed in Austin! On the down side, it came off as pure propaganda for those that disagree with the stance Arizona is taking against illegals crossing the border from Mexico into the US. I seriously considered walking out of the movie, but I had nothing better to do and so stayed.
On the way back to my hotel I passed a mall, and the siren call of JC Penny and Macy’s just couldn’t be resisted. The first thing I saw as I entered JC Pennys was the shoe section and so I stopped to see if there was anything to die for there that I could afford. As I’m browsing, I see a group of three women about my own age, and it becomes clear that two of them are helping the third to pick out a set of heels.
“I look ridiculous!” the woman protested to the others, while looking down at her three inch wedged heels.
“You do not!” the other two assured her. “You look great!”
“This makes me way too tall! I’ll tower over all of the men.” She complained.
“Don’t be silly, you wont be too tall.”
“Yes I will! Just look around, I’m taller than all of the guys here.” She said, and all three women started looking around for a man to compare her height against.
“Damn it! There aren’t any men here!” the one said with a laugh.
“Yeah, but your no taller than she is!” the other one said and nodded in my direction.
‘Oh shit, just what I need – people paying attention and comparing themselves to me!” I thought as I turned away from them.
“In fact she’s taller than you are and she’s still wearing heels!”
I didn’t hear the rest of the conversation because that’s when I chose to get out of there before they decided to actually draw me in to the conversation.
I browsed through the 70% and 80% off racks and didn’t find a single thing I wanted, and so I headed to Macy’s to look at their sales racks there.
I was making my way through the dresses when a sales associate walked up to me.
“Do you need any help dear?” she asked me with grandmotherly smile.
“No thank you! I’m just looking for anything I can’t live without and that I can afford!” I told her with a laugh.
“Well then your at the right place.” She said, waving a hand at the sales rack in front of me. Right about then she got a look at my shoes.
“Your shoes are adorable!” she said. “We had those on a display manikin a while back and everyone just loved them.”
“I believe it, because I often get comments on them. Now that you mention it, I think I did get them at Macy’s!”
I could have flown home pretty, but the more I thought about it, the more it just didn’t seem to be worth the effort. As is typical when I fly boy mode these days, I spent the entire trip obsessing every time I saw a pretty woman in a cute outfit. Sometimes I wish I were “normal” . . .